2 Options Rather Than Coaching
Coaching is actually an alternative word for discipleship. The foundations of coaching call for the person being coached to wisely choose a focus and then make quality action steps to move toward that end. Sounds like using our God-given free will wisely right?
There are two other options for interacting with people.
- We can tell them what to do.
Here are a few things about “telling”. There IS a place for it! When someone is young they need to be told things. You don’t work with a child discussing the values of whether they should make a goal about crossing the road safely - you just tell them, “You have to look both ways before you cross a street.”
When a believer is young, they need to be told/taught things. They need to learn about what it means to walk out your faith, the importance of having a quiet time, how to live in a God-honoring way.
But as they grow, they will come to decisions they NEED to make on their own. If we tell them what to do we are kind of stepping in between them and God. We are robbing them of personal relationship with Him. We are assuming we know what is best for their life. It can be a dangerous place.
I have to be honest – there are plenty of times when I would prefer someone would tell me what to do. I would prefer them to carry the weight of the decision and then I could blame them if it doesn’t work out, or if it does work out I can just keep going to them and let them keep telling me what to do.
When someone takes the role of telling in another adult’s life it is called “infantizing”.
BUT WE ALL FEEL COMPELLED TO DO IT!
How many times has a spouse, co-worker, or friend shared something, and you felt compelled to “solve” their problem by telling them what to do? It sounds like this, “Well, you know what I would do if I were you?” (This is not a question, by the way, it’s a backdoor tell.) Or maybe it is even more direct, “Here’s what you need to do.” Or maybe you are a little kinder and gentler and it sounds like, “Well maybe you should…”
What if it wasn’t yours to solve? What if you actively listened and could ask empowering questions? This is what Coach Training is all about. It sounds like, “What would you love to see happen?”, “How could move toward that goal?”. Sometimes it goes broader, like, “What makes that valuable at this time in your life?” or more tactical, “What are your options?”
In Coach Training we lean into what it means to actively listen and then to ask valuable questions. In Bridges Coach Training we use the ROAD method starting with R- recognizing what the focus should be, O- owning the forward movement, A- making quality action steps, and then D- maintaining the gain by using proven tools for dedication.
Coaching takes the weight of resolution off your shoulders and instead breathes hope and life into the person being coached by asking empowering questions that help them get unstuck.
Okay, we said there were two options other than coaching. The first was telling.
2. We can just let things go.
Apathy wins the day here. We just don’t get involved with other people’s stuff. Maybe we listen, but likely just passively. We don’t tell them what to do because we don’t really engage.
Not connecting is not helpful in a different way than telling people what to do. Whether it is out of preference not to get involved, or not knowing best how to engage, we are not helpful when we are disconnected.
Which would be your tendency – would you lean more toward telling people what to do or just letting things go?
With coaching, we can truly befriend others and help them to engage in helpful ways. We make disciples, not dependents!