3 Ways to Deal with Reluctant/Resistant People
"It doesn't work like that...."
"I can't."
"Maybe you just don't understand."
Ever have "that" conversation? You know, the one where the other person has pre-decided there is no way out of the situation they are in, where the circumstances they are dealing with are unique and insurmountable.
I've been there dozens of times. (And TBH I've been that person dozens of times as well.)
They get fixated on their "thing" and that's all they can talk about. Every conversation is about the symptoms of the "thing", how it is overwhelming and how they are stuck and there is no way out. It's disheartening for them AND for everyone around them.
It's like they want "it" to go away, but they feel there is nothing that can be done.
There are 3 ways to deal with someone who is reluctant to see hope and resistant to change. (Two of them are common but ineffective.)
1. Avoidance.
This option may happen intentionally or unintentionally. You see them coming down the hall at church, or you see their caller id, and you know what the conversation is going to be about. You know it's not going to go anywhere new so you just would rather not go there. It feels hopeless to bring "it" up. You avoid the topic or the person or both.
2. Prescription.
In this scenario, you are "proactive". You toss out one-liners like throwing candy at a parade.
"Maybe you should just _______________." [Do what I think it best.]
"But you have so much to be grateful for." [Be thankful for what you do have.]
"What else is happening in your life?" [Get over it and move along.]
... and a dozen more where you provide the solution and wrap it all up in a bow.
This option is judgy. You are the one diagnosing the problem and prescribing the way out.
3. Coaching
Starting with compassion and care, coaching casts vision for a preferred future and helps define next steps in the journey. It sounds like:
"What will your life be like when this season is over?"
"In ten years, when you look back at this season what story do you want to tell about how you walked through this?"
"How can you thrive in the midst of what you are dealing with?"
Granted, not every situation is ready for coaching. Greif is a great example. Trauma needs time before coaching.
For the most part though, people CAN move THROUGH what they are dealing with. They can have hope. God does offer a way and good coaching can help people see it.
Today is the last day to register for the summer coach training cohort. And if summer is not your time, you can go ahead and "Save Your Seat" for fall.
Coaching doesn't usually come naturally.
But coaching can change the way you interact, bring hope, and offer life in the midst of life's stuff. And we all have stuff.