10 Coaching Questions for Enneagram 3's
Isn't achieving goals what Coaching is all about?
According to the Enneagram Insitute, Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.
We have named personality type Three The Achiever because when they are healthy, Threes really can and do achieve great things in the world. They are the “stars” of human nature, and people often look up to them because of their graciousness and personal accomplishments. Healthy Threes know how good it feels to develop themselves and contribute their abilities to the world, and also enjoy motivating others to greater personal achievements than others thought they were capable of. They are usually well regarded and popular among their peers, the type of person who is frequently voted “class president” or “home coming queen” because people feel they want to be associated with this kind of person who acts as a stand-in for them. Healthy Threes embody the best in a culture, and others are able to see their hopes and dreams mirrored in them.
(*Definitions are from The Enneagram Institute. You can take a free enneagram test here if you are interested.)
Enneagram 3's are go-getters! They get stuff done and they often want people to know.
Philippians 3:14 says "I press on toward the goal to win the [heavenly] prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
And 1 Corinthians 9:24 says, "You know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize. So run to win!"
Here's the thing with 3's. They are natural achievers and sometimes they get a bad rep for that, but while that doesn't mean they should work at laying back and under-achieving, it could mean these questions could help guide their passion.
1) What's the motivation? This question may be good for every Enneagram number, and every person, but it can be especially helpful for 3's. Determining what the reason behind the focus is can be the deciding factor. If the goal in question is simply a means to recognition or self-advancement, it's likely not God's best.
2) Who will benefit? It's not wrong to personally benefit but as followers of Jesus our goals should be to serve rather than to be served.
3) What is the trade-off? If you pursue this goal, what other goals, or priorities will need to be back- burnered?
4) What are the real priorities? Many 3's find it easy to prioritize how they will come across to others in the short run rather than choosing a longer-term lesser seen goal. For instance a promotion at work rather than investing time with your children. (Classic cat's-in-the-cradle stuff for those of you who know that song.)
5) Who could be inspired? 3's have a high investment capacity. Their strong work ethic and ability to achieve complex goals can give hope and vision to others.
6) Do you have healthy rhythms of rest? Just because you can work harder doesn't mean you should. If 3's work until they need to rest, they may be missing out on the call to Sabbath rest and working from a place of rest instead of till they absolutely need it.
7) What are you modeling? This could go both ways. Some people need the modeling of a 3's ability to set quality goals and achieve them, other times 3's may be modeling workaholism. Who's watching? What do you want them to see?
8) Who are you trying to impress? 3's have an innate desire to be impressive. Again, it is not all bad to make the most of your time, but if achievement is where your worth is found, it will never be enough. Have you ever heard of the audience of One? Maybe that is cliche, but it's also gospel truth.
9) What's healthy? 3's can probably get stuff done faster than most, but perhaps the cost personally or to their team is not worth the pace set.
10) What will you gain? When the goal you are considering is accomplished, what character development will be an outcome? Is that something you want to invest in?
3's are powerful and effective! Healthy 3's can make wonderful leaders if they can invest in awareness of self, others, and the promptings of God.
Knowing your own type and tendencies, as well as those of the person you are coaching, can help you ask empowering questions that lead to those wonderful coaching "Aha" moments!
3's who are coaches may need to be aware not to put their work capacity and goal consciousness on others but to help them discern what God has for them! Just because you can doesn't mean you should!
To learn more about your personal divine design check out our course Destiny by Design. For more on Coach Training and other Bridges Coaching offerings check out our Bridges Coaching home page.