10 Coaching Questions for Enneagram 4's
According to the Enneagram Institute, Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.
We have named this type The Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies.
(*Definitions are from The Enneagram Institute. You can take a free enneagram test here if you are interested.)
Isn't being aware of uniqueness a key part of coaching well? Yes!
Knowing your own type and tendencies, as well as those of the person you are coaching, can help you ask empowering questions that lead to those wonderful coaching "Aha" moments!
4's as coaches can be the most naturally aware of emotional cues thereby helping their clients discern their inner wellbeing at a next level. The also have a keen sense of personal design they can apply in helping clients discern what God may be calling them toward as an ultimate contribution.
4's being coached may need assistance in identifying their emotions and desires and determining how God is leading through those cues.
Here are 10 questions for 4's: (spoiler alert - I've been on a personal journey learning about processing emotions so there will be a number of book references and recommendations forth coming)
1) How would you name what you are feeling? In his book, "The Voice of the Heart", author Chip Dodd presents the concept that all emotions stem from 8 core feelings. Drilling down on what you are feeling and making it is foundational valuable.
2) What are some options for moving forward? Naming is a good first step, but should not be an excuse to remain stuck in that emotion. In her book, "I shouldn't feel this way", Dr Alison Cook lays out a plan including Naming, Framing, and Braving what you are feeling. Highly recommend, and not just for 4's. There is a way out and God promises that when we seek we will find.
3) What may God be showing you through what you are feeling? Emotions are like symptoms, they show us something deeper. They reveal something at the core that is amiss. This leads us to question 4.
4) How will you know if this feeling needs to be explored? On occasion we simply need to grieve a loss, or acknowledge pain that we need to learn to accept. On the other hand, there are emotions we may need to learn how to discern when an emotion shows us something needs to be addressed and then we need to formulate a plan and keep practicing to develop the skill of emotional health management.
5) How could your unique design be best used? 4's by definition have a unique skill set or an unusual recurring perspective that differs from others. Knowing how to see and accept these gifts and then harness them for the greater good can be highly fulfilling.
6) What can you do to invest? Leaning in to using the unique perspective can be a game-changer for those involved.
7) What do you need to be aware of regarding self-care? 4's usually instinctively know what works. For some watching a sad movie so they can cry it out helps, for others they may be fueled by a connection with natural, quiet time alone, good music, or quality food. Monitoring your fuel gauge is a worthy cause.
8) How can you interact with others in ways that connect well? 4's discern others just as they discern themselves. What question set can you pull from to let others know you notice and care about their well-being?
9) Do you have a specific niche you could/should be pursuing? 4's can connect in ways most others can not. They have a unique ability to read people, situations, organizations and programs. Helping a 4 find their niches contributes to the greater good.
10) Who really knows you? Finding your tribe can make all the difference. If 4's are in a place where they do not feel known or valued they are less likely to engage at a deeper level.
4's who are coaches can help others learn to recognize their personal emotions and learn from them.
4's being coached need to be understood and valued for their unique design.
To learn more about your personal divine design check out our course Destiny by Design. For more on Coach Training and other Bridges Coaching offerings check out our Bridges Coaching home page.