How To Deal With All The Feels!
Hi, Natalie here. I am Cindy Scott’s third daughter.
She gave me the privilege of writing a guest blog for her. I promise to be brief but I have to brag on my mom a little first.
She and I have only 1 letter that matches in Myers Briggs, N. When I was growing up, she could’ve shut me down for all my feelings, instincts and impulses. Instead, she championed my different personality and helped me understand that who I am is a gift.
I know she has done that for a lot of people reading this blog and if she has, you should drop her a thank you because she doesn’t get enough of those!
I am done bragging now.
I am a Feeler and I am learning to be proud of that.
For those of you out there who are also feelers, sometimes it can feel like you are a slave to your emotions. Today my goal is to help you see your emotions as tools instead of feeling like a slave to them.
Feelings can be triggered by lots of things.
When they are happy, you feel like the crab Rangoon you ordered from the local Chinese place just arrived with a bonus egg roll. But when you’re sad, it’s like your cat’s claws (that should’ve been clipped) are kneading your lap. You don’t know how to get the cat off of you without more damage being done.
So what do you do? Just enjoy the happiness and wait out the sadness?
I know that God has more for us than that. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” So what does it look like to guard your heart?
For me, it means 3 things:
- Identify how I am feeling
- Ask Holy Spirit why I feel that way and let him lead me back to a previous experience that He wants to talk to me about
- Ask Holy Spirit how to handle the current situation and be obedient despite how it feels to do what He says
Let me give you a real life example of this.
Two years ago I was teaching third grade. I was evaluated by my principal. While I was sitting in her office, I was sweating. Her face conveyed concern. Her written evaluation had marked me as needing improvement in multiple areas which was really hard to read.
She started the conversation by telling me that “no learning was happening in my classroom”
I cried a lot that day.
It still makes me sad thinking about it. (That was identifying the feeling).
It took me a while to bring this to Holy Spirit because it hurt so much to be told I was failing at something I care so deeply about, that in the eyes of the person who had the authority I wasn't measuring up.
When I did bring my hurt to Him, He led me back to previous evaluations where I had heard similarly hurtful things... “you just don’t care about your students” and “if you really cared you would be staying here”.
Holy Spirit showed me that I was believing and agreeing with a lie that I wasn’t a good teacher and that I would never be enough.
I asked Him to heal that wound.
I imagined Jesus with me in the room with my principal. I imagined him holding my hand, closing my ears to the principal and opening my heart to what He had to say.
Now 2 years ago, I didn’t have the wherewithal to ask, “What should I do now?” I just did the next right thing as Anna for Frozen 2 would say.
I prayed and worshipped on my way to work. I asked that God would help me forgive the principal for her harsh words and give me a heart of understanding.
Fellow feelers, hear me out, oftentimes obedience means doing something even when you don’t feel like it.
Now when I ask Holy Spirit what to do about bad evaluations, I have a different level of confidence because I know He has been at work revealing my true identity. He is making me confident that I am a good teacher and I am already enough in His eyes. I refuse to agree with lies when they come my way and choose to focus on truth.
Practically for me, I have to write those statements on post it’s where I will see them every day. I talk to people in my life who I know will reflect truth back to me when I am in a tough place.
So here’s my challenge to you.
Review your day today. Did you get triggered by something? How did you feel?
Ask Holy Spirit to lead you back and give you truth to speak over yourself.
“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.” John 16:13 ESV
If He gives you something to do like apologize or write a letter or release it, be obedient. If not, do the next right thing worship, talk to trusted people who will build you up, and keep praying.
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you!
(If you want help dealing with lies and truth, and learning two hear God's perspective on your life - check out the Bridges Coaching Soul Care Personal Retreat!)