Tackling The "If Only" Hurdle (O in the Coaching ROAD)
What if you could see your "if only" as a hurdle not a closed gate?
What's an "if only"? I'm glad you asked!
"If only's" are the mental obstacles that come up when you think about forward movement.
In Coach Training we categorize them in past, present, and future. They sound like this:
Past: If only I...
- grew up in a different family.
- hadn't gone through that trauma.
- didn't make that decision.
Present: If only I...
- had more money.
- had more time.
- could connect with that one person or org.
Future: If only I...
- had a better promo plan.
- knew how long it would last.
- knew it would work.
Here's the thing. "If only's" rob us of what could be. They are like a chasm; we can build bridges to get over them. "If only's" are excuses that have dug a rut in our thought patterns. They are the obstacles we come up against when we think about the goal we want to move toward.
We've been talking about the Coaching ROAD. First comes R- recognizing the focus we want to pursue. Next comes O - ownership. If we make the "if only's" an insurmountable obstacle we get stuck right there. (Watch for A and D in upcoming blogs.)
We can't move forward when we are stuck!
We miss what God has for us when we see an "if only" as an obstacle and don't ask God how we can move forward. You can Own your future, you can walk down the ROAD.
Hurdles are not insurmountable. They don't need to be a closed gate. If God is guiding you toward something He WILL offer a plan. Ask Him how He can help you get over the hurdle.
Do you need to remove a recurring lie that holds you back?
Could you find help somewhere you haven't looked at yet?
Is there a miracle in the wings?
Here's one story where I needed to do all three! When I considered getting my master's degree we were in a place where we didn't have money to invest in anything extra. My husband and I agreed that going into debt for the degree was not a good idea since I wasn't looking at getting a better-paying job when I completed the work.
The Grad School rep challenged me with a coaching question. He said, "What could it look like for you to just do one semester or one class at a time as the funds became available?"
I took that thought to the Lord and felt His guidance to take that first step!
My "if only" lie was, "We don't have that kind of money, this could never happen." God met us there! My parents helped (and I was in my 40's so that felt a little weird, but I was also very grateful). I received some scholarship money for grad school recruiting. Random people contributed - and I am not one of those people with all kinds of miraculous provision stories.
How about an example from my current story as well? If only i knew for sure what God wants me to focus on in this season.
- I am doing some part-time leadership development structure support for a church and loving it - should I just get a couple more churches?
- I have finally started that pendulum book - I am so excited about that - how much of my time should I devote to writing? (I have a few other books I would love to do!)
- One more, I have this idea to do a deep dive, size limited intentional community groups that would meet bi-weekly, process books together, and invest in vulnerable spiritual development together. How cool would that be - to help similar people go deeper with God and each other? (Young fathers in ministry, women in leadership, retirees, and more!)
If only I knew which one(s) were the right or best next step.
Likely I will discern as I go. One step at a time.
It reminds me of when Indiana Jones takes that step of faith in The Holy Grail movie. He couldn't see there was a bridge there. He had to step out in faith to experience the miracle.
What "if only's" come up when you think of your next step?
O in the Coaching ROAD is for Ownership. No one can decide for me/us. We need to choose our next steps and our pace as we learn to remove the "if only" lies that hold us back!