Insight Isn't the Finish Line
Some of the best conversations I've ever had ended with absolutely nothing changing.
Someone had a real breakthrough. You could see it — the shift in their face, the "I never thought about it that way" moment. And then... life happened, the week got busy, and three months later, they're right back where they started.
That's what happens when a conversation stops at insight and never makes it to Action — the "A" in ROAD.
Why a good "aha" moment isn't enough
An aha moment feels like progress, and in a way, it is. Recognizing something new about your situation and taking ownership of your part in it are both real, necessary steps. But insight without action is just an interesting thought you had once. James put it plainly: "Do not merely listen to the word... Do what it says" (James 1:22). Understanding something and living differently because of it are two separate steps, and the gap between them is where most good intentions quietly die.
The trap of "someday"
Vague resolve doesn't...
Whose Job Is It to Actually Change?
It sounds loving. It often comes from a genuinely loving place. But it also happens to be the fastest way to keep someone dependent instead of helping them grow.
Ownership is the "O" in ROAD, and it might be the hardest letter of the four — because it asks you to care deeply about someone's outcome while refusing to carry it for them.
Care without carrying
There's a real tension here, and Scripture actually holds both sides of it. Galatians 6:2 tells us to "carry each other's burdens." A few verses later, Galatians 6:5 says "each one should carry their own load." Both are true at the same time. Support is real. But so is the fact that some things are simply not yours to carry.
Ownership is the practice of telling the difference — in the moment, in a real conversation — between
...The Skill Most People Skip: Learning to Actually Recognize What's Going On
We've all been there.
Someone starts venting to you. Within about ten seconds, you already know what they should do.
Maybe you're right. Maybe you're not. But here's what I've noticed after years of coaching conversations: the moment you jump to a solution, you've usually skipped the most important step in the whole conversation — helping the person actually recognize what's going on.
Recognition is the "R" in the ROAD framework we teach at Bridges — Recognition, Ownership, Action, Dedication. It's the step almost everyone skips, because it feels like the slow part. It isn't the part where anything gets fixed. It's the part where someone finally sees clearly.
Why skipping this step backfires
Think about the last time someone gave you advice before you'd even finished explaining your situation. It probably didn't land — not because the advice was bad, but because you weren't done recognizing the problem yet. You were still figuring out what was actually going on underneath it all.
...3 Ways To Get Through When The Fog of Life Sets In
The "fog," as Jim Collins explains it in his latest book, What to Make of a Life, is the period of genuine disorientation and uncertainty that often follows a "cliff" (any event, chosen or imposed, that changes life as you knew it).
A cliff can be a wonderful experience - like a graduation, completing a big project, or the end of a big event, a promotion, retirement, or more. Or, a cliff can be an unforeseen situation that has been imposed on you - a trauma, a loss, a disappointment, a misunderstanding, or anything of that nature. Or perhaps it can even be a mixture of wonderful and difficult, like moving to another area, empty-nesting, getting married, or having a child.
Imagine moving forward in a fog. You can't see very far, so you are unsure whether you are moving toward your intended destination. Maybe you aren't even sure what your intended destination is.
You take tentative steps forward in an attempt to see how things go. Some of the steps feel sure; others feel hesitant. Th...
Remote Control Starter, Ruby Red Slippers, and Us!
We just got a new car! How fun! And this is where the remote control starter comes in. When the salesman was showing us all the features of the new car, he showed us how to start the car remotely and have the AC or the heat running before we got in. How awesome is that!? But when we turned in the keys for our old car - WE SAW THE SAME SYMBOL for remote starting on the key fob!Â
We had that feature on our old car, and we never knew...The opportunity was there all along, but we didn't take advantage of it!
Dorothy had a similar experience when she finally got to talk to the Wizard of Oz and found out that all she really had to do was tap her heels together to go home.Â
Proverbs 4:11 says, "I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path."
I believe what we need for our next steps is already in God’s heart for us, and because He lives in us, He wants to make those next steps known to us. It may not be easy to recognize. It may not be what we want it to b...
What If "It" Would Make All The Difference? All 6 Reporter Questions
If you have ever thought about coach training, or even never thought about it, these Q's are for you!
1. WHO should consider coach training?
If you are a parent, pastor, marketplace leader, small group leader, have neighbors, or family relationships, coach training can enhance every conversation and enable your influence to have a deep kingdom effect!
Want more: Why Hermits Don't Need Coach Training (And Five Reasons Other People Love It!)
2. WHAT does it cover?
Coach Training includes a foundational study of Active Listening and Asking Powerful Questions, then goes on to the principles given in the ROAD acronym. The power of Recognizing what to focus on, the empowering personal agency of Ownership, developing Action Steps, and then maintaining the gain of Dedication.
All these tools can be used in casual conversation as well as coaching sessions.Â
3. WHEN would be a good time to take it?
Maybe that is a question only you can answer, but I will say that if you wait until you ha...
Do You Have Direct Reports?
If you have people who look to you for leadership, what comes to your mind as you answer the following questions?:
- Do you have a clear plan for investing in their growth, personally or professionally, or both?
- Does your organization have a strategic plan for assessing whether job description functions are being carried out well?
- Can you clearly state how you help your people best learn to solve their situational issues on their own with confidence? Â
In one sentence, how would you define Leadership Development in your organization?
There are several key elements needed for any healthy organization to achieve sustained, replicable growth. The culture of an establishment is not simply what is written in the employee handbook but, even more so, what is experienced as the norm in everyday proceedings. Bridges can help bring coaching culture to your leadership and your organization.Â
Coaching culture uses a Biblical model to help people become confident in moving forward without ...
How Word Pictures Can Shift Worldviews
"A picture is worth a thousand words" is really true, maybe even more so for word pictures!
God used word pictures throughout the Bible. He compares His care to being a shepherd, His strength to being a strong tower, and His forgiveness to making us whiter than snow - to name a few. Jesus was a big fan of word pictures as well. In fact, it seems He used what was around Him to share kingdom principles more often than direct teaching. Maybe because word pictures stick in our minds? They are easy to recall and often add depth to a concept's meaning. Think about the yeast in the dough, the vine and the branches, the seed sown in different kinds of soil, - we could go on and on.Â
It should come as no surprise, then, that God still wants to reveal truth to us through word pictures.Â
In my own life, I can recall many times when a word picture has helped me anchor my soul in a time of need. I remember one time when I was particularly overwhelmed. I was writing curriculum and recording lesso...
Coaching Tools And How They Can Help
All good coaching allows the person being coached to choose their pathway, and most good coaching allows the "client" to choose the goal.*
But what happens when the person being coached really isn't sure how to move forward? Maybe they don't know what goal they want, or maybe they aren't sure how to take steps forward. Let's take a look at both scenarios.
1) Choosing a goal
At Bridges, we share three ways to choose a goal. The first is a tool called the Bridges Coaching Wheel of Life. It offers a personal evaluation process that provides a well-rounded view of a person's satisfaction in various areas of their life. Click the green link above for your FREE copy. We also offer an expanded version in our Life On Purpose personal workshop or the Traction book.Â
The second is taking a dream out of the "dream cloud," planting it in the ground, and tending it. That could mean anything from a project like writing a book to adding on to your home, or pursuing an education or a promotion. Th...
Does True Coaching Include Coaxing?
Merriam-Webster defines coaxing as: the act of gently and persistently persuading someone to do something using patience, kindness, flattery, or encouragement. Instead of using force or coercion, it involves appealing to someone's emotions or offering small incentives to overcome their reluctance.
So, does coaching include coaxing? The answer isn't as clean-cut as you may think.
A coach is a thinking partner. Their job is to come alongside someone to create a conversational space where the person can move forward in an area they choose to focus on. Remember, the word coaching comes from the idea of forward movement. "Coaching" from one place to another - like a stagecoach taking people from one place to another.Â
The person chooses to get coached to move from where they are to another place. That place could include anything from a specific project goal to a mindset shift, or from making a quality decision to walking through a transitional season l. Truly, any forward movement can ...