Isn't achieving goals what Coaching is all about?

According to the Enneagram Insitute, Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.

We have named personality type Three The Achiever because when they are healthy, Threes really can and do achieve great things in the world. They are the “stars” of human nature, and people often look up to them because of their graciousness and personal accomplishments. Healthy Threes know how good it feels to develop themselves and contribute their abilities to the world, and also enjoy motivating others to greater personal...

Can helping ever hurt?

According to the Enneagram Insitute, Enneagram Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

We have named personality type Two The Helper because people of this type are either the most genuinely helpful to other people or, when they are less healthy they are the most highly invested in seeing themselves as helpful. Being generous and going out of their way for others makes Twos feel that theirs is the richest, most meaningful way to live. The love and concern they feel—and the genuine good they do—warms their...

Knowing that people have differing personalities can assist you in coaching them well. You don't even need to be a personality type expert to see trends in what a person needs when you are coaching them, but knowing a bit about types can help you AND help you help them! 

In this series, we will unpack what different enneagram types need from a coach as well as the tendencies of a coach who is that type. 

(*Definitions will all be from The Enneagram Institute. You can take a free enneagram test here if you are interested.)

Enneagram Ones are the rational, idealistic type: they are principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic

According to the Enneagram Institute, they are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high...

Aren't we supposed to just tell people what to do?

There IS a place for telling! Telling comes first. We all tell the children in our lives not to cross the street without looking. We would not let them learn from their own mistakes there. But as they grow we move from telling to teaching.

Telling > Teaching

We teach them how to feed themselves. We teach them to bathe and dress themselves, etc. Eventually, we teach them how to make quality decisions with friendships, future goals, and the like. Then we move to training.

Telling > Teaching > Training 

Training looks like explaining how something works and then letting them learn by doing. "Here's how to wash the dishes." And then they get to give it a go. Teaching turns to training in the "doing" phase. "Here's how to manage your money" etc. Then comes trusting.

Telling > Teaching > Training > Trusting

Every parent of an adult child has had to practice this. You launch them off to college or their first home...

What actually happens in Bridges Coach Training? Here we go!

You'll meet online 3 times for a group class with all who are in your cohort at the beginning, middle, and end of your training. In between those gatherings, you will meet with your peer partner and your facilitator, also likely online - which makes distance not a problem and eliminates travel time. Our low ratios of trainer to trainee are unparalleled. 

1) We start with a clear definition of coaching.

There are many definitions, and different concepts, about what "coaching" really is. A fair amount of our trainees came to us because they felt they were good at guiding people to what they should do. Sports Coaches do that. Leadership Consultants often interchange the word "coach" with what they do. 

At Bridges Coaching, we align with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and Christian Coaches Network International (CCNI), whose definitions do not include any form of telling others what to do, but rather...

So, you've named your thing. You have decided on a goal, or named an obstacle you want to remove. Congrats!

The good news is that you can't move toward something till you name it,  so good on ya! Yay!

But wait, there's more. Let me explain.

I can't tell you how often I have identified (named) a goal or an obstacle and felt strongly about it, only to see it fall by the wayside without a healthy assessment and then a plan for forward movement. 

Here are a few examples from my life or others:

• That's it, no more sugar for me until I lose X pounds. What's wrong with me that I can't control myself?
• I see now that I keep thinking I am not enough, this pattern of thinking has cost me too much sideways energy. I can't keep facing life through this lens.
• Okay, I know God wants me to make that move! (or do that project, or start or finish that thing) This is going to be great!
• Here's the thing, this angst won't change until I talk to that person. I just need to do it. 

...

Ever have a certain feeling that just isn't right, but you can't put your finger on it?

Or in another arena, you just can't decide which option to choose?

That vague grey cloud can be confusing at best but also can be debilitating if it keeps you stuck waiting for resolution somehow.

Let's explore a little more. Sometimes I have a feeling of discord in my soul. I'm not sure if it is something I did or didn't do right, or something someone said or did to me. I just know there is a disturbance and something just isn't right. Maybe I am just overtired, or angsty about something, and all I know for sure is that something is "off".

Or maybe I am thinking about the future and there are so many options I feel paralyzed so I just don't think about it. Then, one day, it is months or even years later and I realize I put that area of my life on a shelf somewhere and decided by default not to pursue "it". 

The "it" could be so many different things: a house project, vacation plans, an...

Humor me for this blog? [Warning: it's tongue-in-cheek.]

Here are 6 reasons you should NOT learn more about the coaching paradigm.

1) You are helping people move forward on their own already. When they come to you, you always know what they should do and you just tell them. (If only they would listen.)

2) You have plenty of time to listen to people's stuff. In fact, you enjoy hearing the same things from people over and over.

3) You love being the "go-to" person. When people need you to make plans for how they should move forward it makes you feel great! Plus, you probably know better than them what they should do with their lives anyway right?

4) You are more educated than they are. It goes without saying that whoever has the most education knows best what should happen next.

5) You are more experienced. They can learn from their own mistakes, or you can tell them how things went for you.

6) You feel responsible for their well-being. You want to make things better for the...

Good Coaching is about much more than simply achieving SMART goals by making successful Action Steps. It's about transformation. 

In this final blog trending with StoryBrand, let's dig into the concept of taking someone from their natural self to their supernatural self. Donald Miller uses the word "transformation". For us that could mean taking someone from feeling stuck to forward movement, or from being lost to having focus.

Helping people to recognize the mindsets that have held them back can change everything! (Watch for an upcoming series on coaching each enneagram number!)

If we can "see" what has been holding us back we can begin to remove that mental obstacle and move forward. And likely, whatever has been holding us back has affected more than just the one area of our lives. Freedom affects every area of our life.

Let me give a personal, and kind of vulnerable, example. 

Each of us has an internal DNA just like we have an external one. Our external DNA...

Step 2 in the StoryBrand framework is "who has a problem".

Last time we talked about who the character is, the person being coached, and this time we are delving into the focus - what is the problem?

Having a focus is a valuable way a coaching conversation differs from other types of conversations. Normally, when talking with a friend we wander all over the place. It's kind of like a Sunday drive, the point is not to get somewhere, it is simply to spend time with each other. Nothing wrong with a Sunday drive, unless you ARE trying to get somewhere. 

Choosing a focus is foundational for any good coaching conversation. We are not going to talk about all kinds of goals we are going to clarify a specific goal early on in the conversation and then make sure we are focusing on what the person being coached wants and needs.

The conversation is kind of like an Uber driver and the person being coached is the one who decides where the conversation is supposed to go. 

Coach...