What Making Disciples Is NOT! And How Coaching Can Help!
Aren't we supposed to just tell people what to do?
There IS a place for telling! Telling comes first. We all tell the children in our lives not to cross the street without looking. We would not let them learn from their own mistakes there. But as they grow we move from telling to teaching.
Telling > Teaching
We teach them how to feed themselves. We teach them to bathe and dress themselves, etc. Eventually, we teach them how to make quality decisions with friendships, future goals, and the like. Then we move to training.
Telling > Teaching > Training
Training looks like explaining how something works and then letting them learn by doing. "Here's how to wash the dishes." And then they get to give it a go. Teaching turns to training in the "doing" phase. "Here's how to manage your money" etc. Then comes trusting.
Telling > Teaching > Training > Trusting
Every parent of an adult child has had to practice this. You launch them off to college or their first home and you wonder if they will figure out how to grocery shop on their own, or if they will build healthy devotional habits into their lives or their family.
Here's the thing. If we honor the process as our kids grow by the time they leave they will be competent adults able to do the things adults do because they will be fully trained. If we don't honor the process and we treat our adult children like toddlers telling them what to do they will likely react like toddlers and push us away.
Or in some cases they will remain needy and want us to tell them what to do. I see this more in the discipleship process. Let's walk through that a bit.
When a person first becomes a believer they need to go through this same process. They need to be told some things."You are loved and you are forgiven."
Telling > Teaching
Then we move to teaching. "Having a devotional time each day is going to be very valuable. Here's what that could look like..." "We forgive as we have been forgiven." "God will guide us as we learn from His word and listen to His Spirit."
Telling > Teaching > Training
"What do you think God is saying in this situation?" "How will you decide what to do?"
This is probably the hardest transition for disciplers! As humans, we usually want to tell others what to do! It can even be from a very good heart - from our education or experiences, and it is fine to share our stories or things we have learned, but in the end, it is the other person's life and the other person's choice.
God designed our human interactions with Him and others on the foundation of free will. When we step in and tell others what to do we are inserting ourselves between Him and them. In essence, we are taking on making their choices for them. It sounds kind. And if we are honest maybe we think we know better than them. Maybe even we do. But, the bottom line is that they are responsible for their choices and they will not grow in making quality adult choices if they feel belittled or incompetent.
Instead, what if...
Telling > Teaching > Training > Trusting
What if they are not only allowed to make their own decisions but encouraged to? They will start asking different questions. They will learn from being too aggressive and impulsive. They will learn from being too passive and fearful.
What if we could learn to ask questions to empower people to make Godly choices?
What if instead of waiting people out as they shared we could learn to actively listen?
What if we could invest in helping people's direct connection with God's plan for them personally rather than letting them know what we would do?
Coach Training helps build disciples, not dependents.
Telling is not the best way to grow adult disciples, taking them along a pathway through teaching and training to trusting and then releasing them and walking alongside them is the Biblical way to help us all grow.
Do you want to grow in your disciple-making skills? Coach Training could take you to a next level of helping people grow and connect with God as adult disciples. Check out our free Hundred+ helpful questions!
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